


Finding Home

by Flynnthefiery



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-13 08:50:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11181258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flynnthefiery/pseuds/Flynnthefiery
Summary: Kaie Shepard started life as an unwanted, unloved, street urchin with no home. Home it seemed would never be found. But how could she have guessed that home would take so many different shapes through out her life.





	1. Chapter One

There would have been snow on the ground if Kaie wasn't in the city. All the warmth from the buildings and lights melted the snow before it could reach the ground. So all there was was a fine drizzle of rain soaking her one jacket. She had to get Rachel out of it. The little girl's cough was getting worse and Kaie wasn't feeling much better. It was December but she couldn't pin point what day exactly it was. Was it the 19th or the 20th? She couldn't remember.

Not that it mattered much which day it was when you were a street urchin. All that mattered to the street gang that "protected" her and Rachel and gave them food was that she did the deliveries on time and didn't get caught. This delivery had been particularly hard because she had brought Rachel along. But she knew that she couldn't leave her behind. Sick kids usually didn't survive on their own. Another gang member thought you were weak or helpless, that's when they would strike. They'd cut you and steal all your things. Even if you didn't own anything particularly important. Grease, the leader of the gang, supported this sort of behavior. He said that it was how you kept a strong gang. Weeds out the weak ones. She knew that one day that policy would end up with his death when one of the underlings saw a weakness and took advantage of it. But the delivery had been done, one small package of red sand placed on the back step of some business.

No one had noticed two little scrawny street kids. Kaie hoped. They were pretty nondescript kids in all honestly. Kaie looked like most of the street kids here in Tokyo, a kid of probably Korean descent or Chinese, but certainly not Japanese. She wouldn’t have been a discarded street child if she'd been. Rachel on the other hand was probably of American or European descent. Her blonde curls, blue eyes and fair skin certainly made her stand out. But you'd have to look past the months worth of grime that layered all of their clothes, their skin and hair.

After weaving through the underbelly of Tokyo, they reached the door to the warehouse. Providing this week's password was simple, a quick phrase in Japanese and Liam opened the door to admit them. The warehouse was huge and many kids and teenagers were running about doing their own thing. Once they were in their little corner of the building, Kaie wrapped the blanket around the shivering little girl. Rachel was probably six or seven, only a few years older than when Kaie had shown up on the street. Now she was fifteen and well versed in life on the street.

As they were getting settled, an older boy sauntered up to their space. Johnny was the one person Kaie didn't want to see that day. He'd roughed her up a few times just for the fun of it. He found particular enjoyment in messing with her. He was probably seventeen or eighteen but like most street kids he probably added years when you asked him for his age.

"Do you want something?" Kaie asked, her voice sharp and venomous.

"Nothing in particular. Just checking on you to see how your run was." Johnny replied, his voice cool and slick like an eel. Kaie had to force herself to not grimace at that. She knew he was here for something but she couldn't guess what exactly he wanted.

"It was fine. Now buzz off." She turned back to Rachel, her voice challenging.

"I see that's how you treat a friend, Kaie. One day it's going to bite you in the ass, you know?" His tone was more menacing than angry. He shrugged and walked back the way he came.

"You really shouldn't mess with him like that Kaie. You're lucky he's in the good mood today." Rachel said around chattering teeth. She was smarter than your average little kid. Living on the streets her whole life had made her wiser beyond her years.

"I know sweets, I'll work on it, ok? Why don't you lay down and sleep? We've got a big job tomorrow and you need to have plenty of rest."

The little girl curled up on the mat and fell asleep quickly. But sleep wouldn't come to Kaie easily. She stayed up half the night concerned that Johnny would come act upon his threat while she slept.

The next morning, Kaie picked up her package from Grease. He wouldn't tell her what it was but it was heavier and she was delivering it to a posher neighborhood than they usually delivered to. Rachel tagged along, her cough a little better this morning, but her skin was paler than normal and in the right light might have been a little blue. It took them all morning to get to the drop off spot. The package was safely deposited in the specified place and the girls headed back home.

The downside with posh neighborhoods is that they were usually higher up in the city. This meant having to go around road blocks that kept the city separated. It wasn't like a street kid could just saunter up to a fancy neighborhood and wander around. So they had to use ledges and pipes to get from level to level. Sometimes you got lucky and they were doing maintenance and you could use the maintenance scaffolding to climb. This was one of those lucky times, or at least that was what Kaie thought until they reached a platform where Johnny and a few of his friends were waiting.

"Well looky here. The little monkey and her pet." Johnny crooned as the girls landed on the platform. They were standing against the wall which meant that Kaie and Rachel only had open air and a long fall behind them.

"What do you want, Johnny?" Kaie asked as she stepped in front of Rachel.

"Oh not much. Just whatever Grease pays you for this job and all the other jobs he gives you." He was so calm as he stated this that Kaie knew if he didn't get this, a beating was sure to come her way. But without those credits, there was no way she and Rachel could survive.

"And exactly how am I supposed to take care of us without those credits?"

"Well, you can earn them back I suppose. Do things for me and my friends." He leered at her, his eyes running from head to toe.

"No." The declaration was loud and firm. "No way. Now get out of our way."

Johnny laughed as though he thought it was a joke. He nodded at the two other boys. They lumbered up and towards Kaie.

She took a step towards them and balled her fists. She wasn't going to let them control her. She'd fought others before and she'd fight these three if she had to.

The closest boy, one she barely recognized, got a knee in the groin. As he dropped, the other boy came at her and tried to punch her. The swing went wide as Kaie ducked under it. She laid a flurry of blows on the boy but he seemed unfazed. He finally landed a punch on the side of her head, making her ears ring. And at first she thought the high pitched keening was just her ears continuing to ring. Until she looked back at Rachel. Johnny had her by her arm and was holding a pistol to the side of her head.

Raising her hands, she backed off, "Johnny, don't hurt her. I'll do whatever you want, just don't hurt her." She pleaded her eyes brimming over with tears. The two boys grabbed her and wrenched her arms behind her. Her shoulders burned with the twisting of the joints.

"I know you will, Kaie. I own you. You'll do whatever we tell you. Is that an understanding?" He asked, his voice impossibly calm.

"Yes, whatever you say Johnny. I'll do anything, just please don't hurt her." She couldn't stop pleading, whatever happened she had to save Rachel. She'd do anything to protect her. Rachel was the only bright spot in her life. For the last two years, everything she had done was just to protect and provide for her. And she'd continue to do anything and everything to do that.

"Good, I'm glad we have an understanding. Now to just to make sure that you understand how much I control your life." With that statement, he stepped toward the edge while at the same time pushing Rachel out into the air. And just like that, the only person Kaie had ever cared for and loved was gone. She fought against the two boys but there was no use. Gasping, hiccuping sobs, she screamed after her. She couldn't save Rachel. She was gone and no one would ever find her small broken body. No one but her would morn the blue eyed girl that had wandered into Kaie's life. She slumped between the two boys her energy gone. But she promised herself and Rachel, that she would never stop fighting back. She would never stop until Johnny was dead.

 

***

 

For two years, Kaie was at the beck and call of Johnny. She ran her deliveries as well as his. He'd be the one to see a weakness in Grease and to take over the gang. Kaie had thought Grease was evil but Johnny made the gang brutal. Thankfully he never followed through with his leecherous threat. If he'd tried to use Kaie, she would have probably killed him or died trying to the process. Her body was the only thing that she still had any measure of control over. And for those two years, Kaie plotted and planned. She watched his patterns and discovered his weaknesses. And it was those things that was his downfall.

He'd started taking red sand along with a cocktail of other drugs and drinks. So one night when he was in a stupor and his normal guards were busy in the other room, Kaie slipped into his space. She had wished that she could kill him just like he killed Rachel but he never had to climb between levels anymore.

So she'd settle for the easiest way. A small pistol rested in her hand. She wanted to wake him so that he could see his end coming but Kaie was afraid that she'd loose her nerve. So with that she sighted down the gun like the fence had shown her. She traded her last delivery for the gun. This would be her final act in the gang and then she'd have to leave. She didn't know where she'd end up but she couldn't stay here in Tokyo.

It felt as if time had slowed down just for a second. She remembered Rachel and her blonde curls. The way the sun would light her hair and make it shine like gold. She took a final steadying breath and whispered, "For Rachel." The gun went off and the back of Johnny's chair exploded. She didn't even wait to make sure he was dead. She turned and was out of the warehouse before anyone could even figure out what had happened. She ran and ran until she didn't think her legs could hold her up any longer. With that she collapsed in a shuttle bus terminal.

Once she caught her breath, she surveyed the area around her. It was then that she saw the sign in the window. It read, "Nobody likes to fight." in large letters with something written in smaller letter under a picture of someone in a uniform. Kaie got up and went over to read the rest of the poster. The smaller letters read, "But somebody has to know how. Join the Systems Alliance Marines." That was where she could escape. There was where she could reinvent herself and maybe become something better than a street rat kid that had the sense and luck to grow up.

The next day, well on the other side of Tokyo from where the gang usually worked, Kaie stepped into a recruiting agency and filled out paperwork. She fudged a little on her age, but not by much. She'd be 18 that year so what did it matter if she moved the month back a little. And, she had that one secret she had never told anyone in the gang, not even precious little Rachel. Her last name was Shepard.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we fast forward to the beginning of ME, I'll summarize as much of in game dialog instead of writing it verbatim unless I feel like I can add to it.

The once scrawny, dirty street kid had over the past eleven years morphed into a strong, smart soldier. Kaie Shepard somehow lucked out. She'd survived many things. Umbelievably, she was chosen for the N7 program. Now she was XO on one of the newest prototype ships for the Alliance Navy. How some punk kid from the streets of Tokyo made it here, she'd never know. She'd passed up people with better life stories than her. People who had grown up in military families who had always known that they were destined to go and serve on a ship. She'd even passed up fellow students who had been smarter than her. She'd never had the best grades considering she had had to learn how to read beyond a very basic elementary level while in boot camp. She'd worked her ass off to get where she was. However, she knew that hard work had only gotten her so far, luck had to have played some part.

           Now she was supposed to be standing next to Anderson, her mentor and the closest thing she had to a father. Instead, she was still trying to get dressed. They had spent the last week getting used to the ship, the SSV Normandy, and her crew. The pilot was this crazy guy named Jeff Moreau, though most people called him Joker. At first, she wasn't certain how some scrawny dude was going to be able to pilot this advanced war ship but watching him put the Normandy through her paces was like watching a ballet. His hands flew across the controls as if he could pilot in his sleep.

           Shepard found a friend in the ship's doctor, Dr. Chakwas, an older woman, who'd spent all her life aboard different ships. Shepard had found that Chakwas didn't pull any punches after her first routine physical. She'd come from around the table after looking over the computer results.

           "You know that arm of yours risks breaking again if you aren't careful." She motioned towards Shepard's left forearm. Unconsciously, Shepard rubbed the arm softly. No one else had ever noticed or mentioned her arm. Chakwas gripped it, turned her palm over, and felt along the bones of her forearm. "Since you've broken this arm multiple times, the bone is more likely to break again. It looks like it wasn't properly set at least once." She probed the area that was perpetually sore. Shepard tried not to wince both from the pressure but also from the painful memory of Johnny breaking her arm at least once.

           "I broke it a couple times as a kid. It's never bothered me." She tried to lie convincingly while she maintained her cool. No one needed to know all the abuses she'd suffered, she didn't need their pity. "No one has ever noticed the scarring before. You must be very good at your job."

           "Of course I am. How else do you think I got this job, Shepard?" She'd said this with a deadpan delivery that made Shepard uncertain whether she was bragging or joking.

           Since then, she'd made it a point to go talk with Chakwas every day for a least a few minutes. She wasn't about to squander any knowledge the woman would share with her.

           Then, of course, there was the Lieutenant who was serving under her. Kaidan Alenko. He was a breath of fresh air. She wasn't about to admit that the first time she'd seen him her stomach had done a little flip. But whether she'd admit it or not, it was still true. She wasn't even certain what had caught her eye. Maybe it had been his rich brown eyes that seemed wiser beyond his year. Or maybe it was his voice, the rumble of it going straight to her stomach. He was a biotic who had this unbelievable control over his skills. Shepard had never seen anyone, not even in N school that had that much focus. They hadn't had much of a chance to talk but she was looking forward to their first outing and more talks in the mess hall.

           She retreated to the women's head and made sure her hair was still ok and her dress blues didn't have any wrinkles. Her glossy black hair hung in a thick sheet around her head ending abruptly at her chin, always within regulation. Patting down any stray fly aways, she sighed; her tanned skin flushed with excitement and nerves.

Admiral Hackett was coming to inspect the Normandy before she ran her first mission. This was her chance to not mess up and show that she really did deserve her place. They hadn't made a mistake by promoting her. She took a deep breath and stepped back out into the hall and took the steps two at a time up to the CIC.

*******

           Later that week it seemed like everything was green and they could finally start doing something with the Normandy. They were finally headed out on their shakedown run to Eden Prime, a human settlement in the Exodus Cluster. Shepard was prepped and ready to go once they arrived. Her N7 armor was clean and polished to a shine. With a shakedown run, you never know who might show up to watch the proceedings.

           She didn't really think anything crazy would happen but she was prepared. That was one thing that she'd learned on both the streets and training with the Alliance. Expect things to hit the fan and be pleasantly surprised when they didn't. She decided to head up to the cockpit and watch Joker work his miracles on the controls as he headed into the Arcturus Relay. The ship was buzzing with activity as she walked past the ship display in the CIC.

           Nihlus was standing up in the cockpit too. He was an imposing figure and easily dwarfed Shepard. The turian Spectre was an interesting person and someone to be respected but Shepard still wasn't certain why he was there. And that had her on edge.

           The small voice telling her that they had discovered the fraud that she was. _You're not a good person. They know it. Just waiting for you to mess up._ A few deep breaths and she squashed the thoughts back in the dark corner of her mind.

           He watched Joker pilot the Normandy beautifully and then his only comment was "Good job."

           After he left the cockpit, Joker commented under his breath. "I hate that guy."

           Kaidan was sitting in the co-pilot's chair. "Nihlus gave you a compliment, so you hate him."

           Their conversation devolved into an argument ending with Shepard agreeing that the presence of a Spectre did seem a little odd. Thankfully, the less than professional conversation was interrupted by Anderson's com and his order to for her to meet him in the com room.

"You get that Commander?" Joker asked, looking over his shoulder at Shepard.

"He sounds angry. Something must have gone wrong with the mission." Anderson was a no nonsense kind of captain but his voice was even more controlled than usual. It must be very important whatever he needed.

           "Pff, Captain always sounds like that when he's talking with me." Joker scoffed as she turned to head to the com room.

           As she was leaving, she could hear Kaidan add, "Can't possibly imagine why," which made her giggle softly under her breath.

           As she walked aft along the neck of ship, she looked over the shoulders of engineers and com specialists doing who knows what. She could decrypt a terminal or hack into a locked room but she'd never been very good with all the science that went on to actually allow space flight. She was much better if you stuck a sniper rifle in her hands. She was serviceable with a pistol, but she certainly wasn't a front line fighter.

           Navigator Pressley was having a heated debate with Engineer Adams through the coms. Pressley knew something was up but Adams wasn't quite convinced. Shepard added her two cents and let Pressley know that she would find out what was going on but not to worry too much.

           Pressley was also concerned about Nihlus and having a turian on board. He was still one of the holdouts that still didn't fully trust turians even though it had been 30 years since the First Contact War. To Shepard, that was something that happened before her and she'd grown up knowing they weren't alone. But she understood that the older officers had been through it and some the soldiers her age had parents that had served or killed during it. Her bunkmate and eventual friend in boot camp had lost her mother in the First Contact War and she held a grudge against all turians.

           Nevertheless, they had to move on past it and work together. This ship was certainly a great example of how turian and human minds could achieve great things. She also understood the distrust between the species. A lot had gone on since the humans had first discovered the mass relays and it was understandable that the rest of the galactic species weren't certain how to react or if to trust humans at all. Humans still had a lot to prove and Shepard hoped she could be one of those that helped prove how beneficial humans could be for the whole galaxy.

           Chakwas and Jenkins were having a discussion very similar to Pressley and Adams' conversation. Chakwas seemed to keep a level head about the whole situation but Jenkins was a whole other story. He was ramped up to be headed back to his home planet . He really wanted to show to the brass what he could do. She'd been trying to make him understand that if he did his job well and didn't do anything stupid and rash, the brass would notice. Generally, they didn't promote idiots that created more trouble or situations.

After trying, once again, to calm down Jenkins, she stepped around the two and stood in front of the coms room door and took a deep, steadying breath. _Remember Kaie, you can handle anything._ Another, deep breath, in through the nose, hold for five beats, out slowly through her mouth. After a few more breaths, she could feel her heart rate slowing and a sense of calm settled on her. She palmed the open plate and stepped into the room.

           Nihlus was alone in the room. After what felt like a test masquerading as idle chatter, Anderson finally walked in and relieved Shepard from Nihlus' intense scrutiny.

           That was when Anderson told her about the real reason the Normandy was headed to Eden Prime, a Prothean beacon. Something that must be protected so that the information stored on it could be deciphered and catalogued. The Protheans had been the source of much of the advances that all the races had achieved. Then, the real shocking information came. Nihlus was there to observe her, because she was nominated to become a Spectre. If this happened, she'd be the first human Spectre. A street kid from Earth was being considered for a Spectre position. _A cold hearted assassin._ The cruel small voice in her head accused. She’d never thought she’d be even nominated.  And she would have never guessed that she would be the first.

           Nihlus said that the reason he'd recommended her was her actions at Skyllian Blitz. She was just doing what she thought necessary, not because she wanted notoriety.

           As they were discussing that, Joker interupted them with a com from Eden Prime. A massive ship was landing and attacking Eden Prime. And then the com link was severed.

           Well, she was glad that her guns were clean and her armor was ready to be pulled on because it was all hitting the fan.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard and her squad land on Eden Prime with no idea what to expect. It's worse than she planned for.

           Shepard had never been to Eden Prime but she'd seen pictures and vids of it. This was nothing like she had expected. This was no paradise; the sky was a sickly red color, the color mirroring that of clotted blood, the sun blotted out by clouds. The diffused light cast no shadows, making the world around her seem as flat as a painting, as patchy as a poorly rendered digital game. The whole world was surreal, coiling the bundle of nerves and energy in her stomach tighter and tighter. 

           As her squad moved from the drop point towards where they were to meet Nihlus and the beacon, they came across some bodies that had been charred to less than skeletons. She hadn't been expecting a welcoming committee after watching the com, but she still hadn't been prepared for the utter destruction of that lay before her, nothing could have prepared her for this. She didn't see anything that resembled the mammoth ship that had descended out of the sky. As they rounded a bend in the path, Jenkins taking point. As if from the void itself, drones popped out and he was taken down in a flurry of bullets.

           She'd just gotten to know this young corporal, and in a matter of seconds at her command he was gone. Yet another life to lay at her feet. But she couldn't think about that right now, right now they were being shot at by the same drones. She and Alenko took cover among the boulders that were strewn about the path to take down the drones. She noted where Jenkins’s body lay but they had to move on. She pushed down her grief and would potentially deal with it later.

           As they crested the rise a soldier darted out, shooting the direction she had run from. What followed behind her was almost unbelievable. Geth, or at least what Shepard was pretty certain were geth, were shooting after the soldier. Other geth were impaling people on spikes across the way. But what came off the spikes weren't, they were burned out husks. But still, Shephard moved with all haste towards them.

           Finding a boulder to crouch behind, Shepard sighted down her rifle towards the geth. Alenko and the soldier seemed to be capable of handling the husks but the geth had huddled behind kinetic shields. She took a slow breath in and lined up the crosshairs on a geth, with one slow, steady exhale, her finger squeezed the trigger. The geth disengaging where it fell. Without a thought, she found the next and dispatched it just as quickly. And before she knew it, the fire-fight was done. Shepard extended a hand to the soldier that had run out, introducing herself and Alenko.

           Shepard grew to like the woman almost immediately. She was resourceful and quick witted, with a certain fire in her lungs. Qualities that left Shepard glad that Williams wanted to come along with them. They made their way down to the spaceport that Nihlus had com'd them about.

           As they came to the top of the hill Shepard finally saw what she'd seen in the com. A giant squid-like ship was lifting off the surface, leaving nothing but a suffocating silence in its wake, a silence threatened to overwhelm them until a single, solitary gunshot rang through. Unable to see where the shot came from, Shepard led them onward to the burning port.

 

           It was there they found Nihlus's body surrounded by a thick, viscous pool of blue blood. In the shock of the moment, Shepard almost shot the dock worker that had been hiding behind some boxes. It was from this lazy, no-good worker that they found out what had happened. According to him, another turian had spoken with Nihlus before shooting him point blank in the back.

           None of this made any sense to Shepard. Where did this other turian come from? Who was he? Why would he assassinate Nihlus? These questions would have to be dealt with later. They had to keep pressing on.

           More geth stood between them and where the beacon was being held. A different, larger geth had joined the fight. Shepard crouched behind another crate, prepared to sight down her rifle when this geth charged her. She only had enough time to drop her rifle, part of her brain hoping she didn't damage the sight, and pull out her pistol. This geth was easily twice her petite height, a colossal structure by far in comparison. She didn't have time to aim with her pistol, panic eating away her control and discipline as she pulled the trigger over and over until burned red in her hands and she was certain that her shields couldn't withstand another hit. She was thankful that Williams and Alenko were there. Alenko's impressive biotics pulled it away from her and Williams finished it off with her assault rifle.

           "Thanks for that." She stooped down and checked her rifle. Barring a small scuff that would buff out easily enough on the stock, it was undamaged, The same going for her squad as they took the tram off towards the port.

 

***

 

           Bombs. Why would they leave bombs and geth behind? Were they willing to sacrifice geth to stop them? She carefully disarmed the bombs as Alenko and Williams covered her back and took out the remaining geth. A breath she hadn't realized that she was holding flew from her lips as the last bomb stopped counting down.

           Finally, they found the beacon. It was such a small thing to have such great importance. As she was calling the Normandy to come pick it up, Alenko was suddenly pulled towards the beacon, as if he were caught in a tractor beam. She pulled him away but in her haste to get him out, she was captured by it. Visions full of death and blood and violent suffering filled her mind before she blacked out.

***

  

Visions of synthetics killing organics, some species she didn't recognize. Maybe it was Protheans. She just knew that whatever she was seeing wasn't good, if the lingering sense of impending doom was anything to go by. The sense that the same was coming for them. When she finally broke through the haze, tears threatened in the corners of her eyes. She was in the med bay, the smell of antiseptic a faint burn in the back of her throat. She could hear voices murmuring in the background, loud but garbled. She began to sit up, to face the dressing down she was certain to get from Anderson and whomever stood with him behind the medbay doors.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Working on getting the balance between enough of the game action and dialog to show Shepard's thought processes while not boring you to death. Let me know how I'm doing!
> 
> Thanks are in order for taking my scattered thoughts and writing and making it beautiful to my wonderful beta, http://attack0npotato.tumblr.com/ This chapter would not be near as great without her help!


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